As I mentioned in part one I looked up two different entries, one about body image and one about focus and determination Kino had gotten from getting her authorisation from Guruji. I wrote in part one about the body image issues I have, but to no great conclusion because I've not figured mine out by any means, so I move on to the other one.
It was interesting that I've read her book Sacred Fire before, without ever contemplating what she wrote about her authorization.
I realise now I read that and didn't see too much in it because at the time I'd not received my authorisation, and now I have. And I know that immediately when I did get it I felt this sense of purpose. Purpose to teach, not sure in what capacity though, as a traveling teacher, or going to a set spot and setting up a Mysore program, or what. But purpose that now Sharath believes in me and I have his blessing to share the primary series, so I need to do this. It was awesome.
At the time I was about to leave for India I thought I was going to be going to study with Sharath for three months then have a month to enjoy Mysore, then go to Bangalore and teach for my friend Gururaja at his shala there for two months while he went to Mysore to study with Sharath. But a little over a month before I left I was asked to teach here where I currently am in Germany for four months and when I checked on the gig in Bangalore he was unsure at that time if it was going to happen, so told me to take the for sure gig instead, and so I did.
Once I got here I felt that strong purpose to share what I could with each of the students here that I'd received from my practice for the past 17 years, and feel like I'm fulfilling my purpose. Then I started wondering about going back to India, which is where my heart wants me to live.
Sharath at the time he'd authorised me had suggested that I teach in Uttarkashi, which is further up the Ganga from Rishikesh, upon finding out that I did not want to return to the US and teach where he'd originally wanted me to teach in St. Louis. So I decided that I would return and go to Varanasi, somewhere I'd always been drawn to go, and to Rishikesh and to Uttarkashi and maybe some other places as well. Check them out and see where I was drawn to be.
But I know that I have to teach, it feels like the dharma I'm here for. I also know that Uttarkashi, if that is where I settle, is colder and tends to have snow, so it would only be a season. Maybe May/June through September, then come south to be with Sharath for three months, then have three months to travel and teach each year. Hmmmm...
Then I watch this video from Ajay Tokas last night about how he's not a teacher and shouldn't consider himself that for some years to come, so then my little mind is fucked up again about teaching. But really, all I'm doing is sharing what I know about the primary series anyway. Is sharing teaching? Aren't we all teachers anyway in inadvertent ways at least?
I do know that now I'm fulfilling something in my being that is meant to happen. My dharma as it would be said in India. To share this practice and the insights I've gained from it seems like the right thing for right now.
I also decided two trips ago that the Hindu path, the symbolism of the gods and the energy they represent are also meant to be a part of my dharma. How does that fit in? No idea yet, but I know it is going to be part of what I do with my life and not knowing how yet is just fine to me, it will reveal itself when the time comes up for it.
So, no more to say really. I'm not super inspired to write today, I feel I'm doing it more as an exercise in keeping writing going than anything else. And that is okay too, because writing a few books is coming up in my dharma as well. It will be sharing my path, sharing the yoga/spiritual side of things, sharing the worldly existence I've lived so far as well. Sharing much more.
Sharing seems to be my path, or my dharma, really. Maybe that's what I start calling it. I write Facebook statuses on things and get messages about how sharing my experience really helped someone, I share on this blog, whatever the hell is going through my crazy mind, I share when I teach, I share when I have a conversation, I share all the time. But also I receive from all this situations as well, so it's an even give and take, or it evens out eventually!
Go and have a great weekend, and I'll see some of you tomorrow when I share some more asanas with you at 9:30am. Enjoy!